Let's Be Pirates: Starslider Rejects #001 Read online

  Let’s Be Pirates

  Starslider Rejects #001

  Mark Sarney

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  About the Author

  Starslider Rejects 0001: Let’s Be Pirates

  Copyright (C) 2021 by Mark Sarney All rights reserved.

  Ebook and Print Edition 1.0: January 2021

  Ebook ISBN:

  Cover: Jeff Brown

  Editor: Ellen Campbell

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic

  form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted

  materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this

  author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the

  author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business

  establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.

  Created with Vellum

  Dedicated to all of the people who got screwed by an impersonal system and couldn’t afford to fight back.

  One

  “We are on the cusp,” said Captain Barry Spranker of the starslider Drake, holding two fingers a centimeter apart, “the very itty bitty cusp of fortune and glory of galactic proportions.”

  The comm beeped on the ship's circular command console. It startled Barry because he had routed incoming comms to his bunk. He ignored it, because he was trying to create a moment here.

  He shook a finger at Flank, the ship’s engineer. “The first ship to chart a circumnavigable route around the galaxy,” Barry said. “We’ll be the greatest explorers of all time.”

  Flank scowled, deepening his crow’s feet. “So that’s why you broke out your best sweatpants?”

  Barry grinned. He was indeed wearing his best pair. “Shut up.” He said to Tongue, the ship’s navigator, “We will easily be the coolest people in the last one hundred thousand years.”

  Tongue bobbed his head up and down, his long, shaggy hair gently slapping his beard. “The race has been going on for two hundred thousand, but, you know, who’s counting?”

  The comm beeped again. Tongue reached out to open the message.

  Barry slapped his hand away. “Don’t you touch it. We’re running silent. We are about to slide… into history.”

  Tongue said, “It’s a tight beam transmission to us. Coming through the comm beacon we just dropped. Why wouldn’t they use the comm?”

  “We can check the messages later,” Flank said.

  Barry knew what the message said. The first time it came in he decided to ignore it. The crew worked their entire lives to achieve reach Union first. Why would they quit, at the finish line, simply because one of their desperate competitors sent yet another prank message? After the Drake became the first ship to reach the Union star system, connecting both sides of the galaxy for the first time, no one would care about who read what message when.

  “Can we go already?” Barry asked. He carefully observed his buddies for signs of suspicion. Tongue pushed his shaggy hair out of the way while he checked the navigation math for the final slide to the Union system. Flank glared at the engineering readouts, daring them to reveal a problem, his bare arms crossed.

  Barry forwarded all incoming comm messages to his bunk so he could screen them. He had responded to the legitimate ones. He prepped contingency plans for any possible dirty trick the other starsliders might pull to delay, deter, or trick them into losing the biggest race the galaxy had ever seen.

  Tongue asked, “What was the comm about?”

  Barry huffed. “Nothing. Some loser behind us trying to get us to quit. It would be the third one this month.”

  This made Flank crack a grin. “Was it Lemonne saying that our drive’s about to implode? He’s going to suck it when we waltz into Union.”

  “It couldn’t be serious, do you think?” Tongue asked.

  Barry waved him off. “Every time I get one of these, I check around. And they don’t check out. Relax.”

  Flank wasn’t buying it, so Barry raised an eyebrow to challenge him to say something. He didn’t.

  The engineering telltales reported in with a beep; they were blue across the board. No ambers, no reds; the Drake was ready to slide. She was a long, thin starslider, built and optimized to quickly chart new slide routes in uncharted space. And Flank made it a point of personal pride to make her the top-functioning starslider in the Exchange.

  Flank said, “Drive is charged.”

  Barry asked Tongue, “You got the math?”

  Tongue replied, “I do indeed got the math, Captain Sir.”

  “Wait,” Flank said sharply.

  The coordinates were locked, the drive was charged, there was nothing else keeping them. Tongue sighed in exasperation.

  Flank poked a finger at Barry’s chest. “Are you really going to wear this when you record the victory announcement? It looks ridiculous.”

  Barry inspected his beat-up jacket. Sponsor logos covered nearly the entire surface. Each logo flashed, strobed, glowed, or shifted patterns. “Yes. Our sponsors paid good money for this primo real estate.”

  “People will be replaying this announcement for the next thousand years, Barry. And they’re gonna see these stupid corporate logos for Dinky Donuts, Major Skeeball League, and Spacer Pizza Bros?”

  Tongue chuckled. “Flank, the only thing people will remember is his obnoxious gloating.”

  A smirk danced across Barry’s face. “How about we go make some history?”

  Two

  “I'm Alan Glown with a very special Glown Happy Hour for the entire galaxy today. We were the only Exchange jornos chosen to report the historic events which will happen in just a minute.

  “Everybody has been talking for months about the reunion in Union. For centuries our Exchange has worked its way clockwise around the Milky Way from the Ancient Sectors while the GEC, that's Galactic Exploration Corp for you Griddie Kiddies out there who insist on t
he full name. You know I love you. The GEC has been coming around counter-clockwise. Thousands of years of exploration, tragedies and successes, hopes and dreams, will come together in the next few minutes.

  “Let me set the stage. I'm reporting from the Exchange cruise ship Crystal Temp, on approach to Union. You won't hear this until this is broadcast, but let me tell you we are totally pumped up hard right now. Everyone’s smiling. At the same exact time, the GEC ship Phisak will arrive at Union so both sides can win the race together! Isn't that great?“

  “For a decade, there's been rumors flying about tensions between the Exchange and the GEC. Can we get along, can we cooperate. It’s true: we Exchangers operate differently than you GECers. But it’s okay. There’s so much to learn from one another, so many poop jokes to trade. We’ve discussed this on the Happy Hour — remember when we matched up April, the Exchanger chick, with Darien, the GEC gentleman? In the next couple of months we'll see if we can put those together physically, if you know what I mean. Haha. But seriously folks, I'm here to tell you that there's no tension here today. We're in a euphoric mood down here because. This. Is. Connexion Day! Avocado! Avocado!

  “We’re about to slide into Union and party ourselves silly, but first let’s talk to some of the VIPs here. We have an A-list of stars for this historic voyage. There’s starlets, retired explorers, and of course, Exchange executives. First up, we’re talking with retired Captain Diana Lorne, callname Dinafour, who is the unofficial captain of our expedition. Captain, welcome.”

  “Great to be here, Alan.”

  Glown's voice dropped into a serious timbre. “Captain, you've got a glass of stimrose in your hand, tell me how you feel to be here, today.”

  “Well, Alan, it’s a damn honor. Today is the biggest day in human history. After tens of thousands of years of exploration, we are finally linking up on the far side of the galaxy from the Ancient Sectors. Humanity will be able to circumnavigate the galaxy. The galactic frontier will begin to close.”

  “But there’s still a lot left to explore, isn’t there?” Glown asked. “For those up and coming explorers in the Exchange.”

  “It's fantastic out there,” Captain Lorne said. “More than half the galaxy is unexplored. Maybe we’ll finally discover aliens, with mystical technology and everything.”

  “Who enjoy deep fried human flesh dipped in hot mustard,” Glown interjected.

  Captain Lorne laughed. “Yeah, well, the galaxy is big but empty. I think this is the beginning of a golden age for Exchange and GEC explorers.”

  “Cap, are you ever tempted to return to the life yourself?”

  “Every day. Every week you get to be the first humans to ever visit another solar system, a new nebula, discover new constellations.”

  “Ha! Can you tell us about the GEC ship we’ll meet?”

  “She’s a Monolith-class exploration vessel named Phisak. She’s essentially a mobile refueling station. The GECers take a different approach to spacecraft than we do: metal hulls, inorganic components. She has a longer range than a starslider and supports a crew of several hundred.

  “I want to explain to the viewers what it's like to be on board this beautiful vessel, the Crystal Temp. I believe the Exchange rented this vessel. She’s a big mobile religious retreat, usually, somewhere between a yacht and a cruise ship.”

  “That’s right, Allen.”

  “To set the scene here, we’re on a gorgeous observation deck with a viewscreen tuned to the forward cams. There are big hallways, spacious rooms, and I didn't need to bunk with Farty Arty, our producer and engineer. That's right Art, don't be acting like you don't know what I'm talking about.

  “What's that, Art? Cap, Art is asking if life support can evacuate his nocturnal methane. Art, you did too say it! Cap?”

  “Uh, it could easily handle the emissions of an entire cattle herd.”

  “Art's okay. He figured this would be an upscale affair so he put bowties on the mics. Made me not sleep in the nude. He's got class. You're the best, Art!”

  “And you two have been perfect gentlemen the entire time you’ve been on board. I want your viewers to know you are the nicest fellows. You—”

  “Cut her mic, cut her mic, Art! We have reputations to protect. Ha ha! She’s just being gracious folks, she doesn't know we stole the towels. We’re getting pretty close to the big event now, aren't we?”

  “We should emerge in the Union system imminently,” Captain Lorne said.

  “Excellent. I want to thank you for hosting us and for being a good sport on the air with us.”

  “My pleasure, Alan.”

  “Next up is Ambassador Stanley Atherton, the Exchange executive. Welcome, Ambassador. I— wait, since when does the Exchange have ambassadors?”

  “Alan, someone has to smooth over the wrinkles and waves you make on the air.”

  “Hoo hoo, very good. Very good. But I’m on my extra good behavior today.”

  “Originally, the Exchange retained some ambassadors to make first contact with alien races. When we never found any—”

  “DinaFour already made the same joke. You’re going to bore the audience.”

  “My apologies. And call me Stan. Seriously, my role is to represent the Exchange. Show how we clean up nice.”

  “And don't we! Well, Ambassador Stan, give us your take on what today means.”

  “It's been several millennia since our two peoples began to explore the galaxy in opposite directions. This is a grand family reunion of sorts, a joyous event. While we kept in touch with lightcast communications, this pen pal relationship can become a real friendship. People from the Exchange and the GEC will breathe the same air and be in the same room for the first time.

  “In a few minutes, both of our ships will slide into the Union system and drop nav beacons in the names of humanity, not one exploration outfit or another. Together we will complete humanity's quest to reach Union, on the far side of the galaxy from Earth. This day, Connexion Day, will open a new era in human history. We did this peacefully, working together, and when we meet one another in person, I hope we can strengthen the bonds of affection that exist between our two peoples.”

  “You must be some kind of ladies man. Giving me chills. Art is tearing up over there. Allow me to get crass, Ambassador. The reward for the crew who reaches the Union system first and deploys navigational beacons is unbelievably huge. It’s so huge the winner could buy a fully developed planet in the Ancient Sectors. If both the GEC and the Exchange enter the system at the same time, who wins the prize?”

  “We’ll make an announcement about the prize soon, Alan.”

  “What? Come on, Stan, make some news here to go along with this historic event.”

  “I can’t say any more at this time. We’re working on it, and I think everyone will be pleased with what we’ve come up with.”

  Alan sighed. “Okay, I’m afraid we need to leave it there, Ambassador Stan. We'll be emerging from the slide any second. Thanks for being with us. I’ll sit in a quiet corner and do a running commentary on this historic event. When we slide out, we'll lightcast live.

  “Okay, here we go. There's quite a crowd here on the observation deck. The viewscreen shows what I guess is the inside of the wormhole; smeared starlight, some kind of radiation glow or something. And we're out! Welcome to the Union system.”

  The crowd cheered.

  “The captain has ordered the ship to drop nav beacons. They will make it possible for ships to travel to and through the system. This is the last piece of the galactic puzzle, folks. It's all smiles here as we swing around to head in-system. Union is not really habitable: it’s star is too weak and it’s planets are either gasballs or rocky cinders—

  “Whoa! Something flashed by on the viewscreen! It's another ship! It buzzed us, I think. It is one of ours. Were they here already? People here are shocked, I'm shocked. Ambassador Stan is not happy. There are a few dirty looks coming his way. This is about to get interesting.”


  “Welcome to the Union system,” a voice boomed over the comm. “This is Captain Barry Spranker of the Exchange starslider Drake, making an exploration claim on this system as of the timestamp of this message. For you runners-up, don't get down on yourselves. You had a good run and you missed by just a day or so.” The message began to repeat.

  “This is quite a breaking development,” Alan whispered, “an Exchange ship beat us and the GEC to Union. The Ambassador literally ran out of here. I’m assuming to figure out what’s going on. I guess this qualifies as a situation, huh? Art's feeding me what we know about this other ship. The Drake is starslider class, captain is, no surprise, some guy named Barry Spranker. Three-man crew, highly ranked on the Exchange’s reputation markets. What’s that? They were the odds-on favorite among the Exchange ships to win the race? But the race was called off, right Art? The Exchange and the GEC agreed to enter Union together. We were told the exploration vessels on both sides stopped so we could make this grand entrance together. Whoops, huh?

  “The scene here is one of shock. The assembled crowd can't believe the Drake has upended this cosmic lovefest. Wow, this is really embarrassing for the Exchange. What? Art says it may be a trick by the Exchange to win. I kind of doubt it, Art, based on these pissed off people I see here. Stay tuned, galaxy, this story is only gonna get more interesting. And we’ll stay on top of it and keep lightcasting here at the Alan Glown Show.”